Words By Ava Simpson
In the dynamic world of whitewater kayaking, it’s a universal truth that everyone will experience swimming; the river’s unpredictable nature ensures that each paddler faces this reality. I have encountered plenty of swims, especially in the earlier days. Most of the time, you come out unaffected and can hop back in your boat right away. However, sometimes there is an instance where the river poses severe, even life-threatening danger. This can lead you to question your place on the river at all. As the saying goes, “Everyone is in between swims”, but what often becomes unspoken is the anxiety and fear that follows a scary swim. I’m eager to share my personal experience with a scary swim and the positive steps that I took to navigate and overcome these anxieties and fears.
Smiles on the Clearwater River (Photo by Benny Clark)
In the spring of 2021, I had a swim on the Balls to The Wall section of the Cheakamus River in Whistler, BC. I was ferrying across a whirlpool when I was pushed into an undercut rock, forcing me to flip upside down. After several roll attempts, I made the decision to swim – not knowing my situation would get worse. I circled the whirlpool several times, each time going into the undercut rock, pushing me under the water for 20+ seconds. My water-filled boat was trailing behind me, pushing me down further against the rock. I was inhaling water as my head was barely above the surface when I was going around the whirlpool. My friend threw me a rope to assist, but that rope was quickly swept into the undercut and became entangled, posing a hazard on my next entrance into the undercut. I felt my right leg get caught. At this moment, I was up against the undercut from the brim of my helmet to the tip of my toes. Luckily, I was able to reach down and take the rope off of my leg before resurfacing. My friend was able to pull most of the rope out, but had to cut the rest as it was still stuck in the rock. My friend then threw me a flake of rope and pulled me on to shore. At this point, I had little to no energy left to kick. I collapsed into his arms and immediately started crying and coughing up water. I’m so thankful to have come out of that alright and the effort that my friend made to save me.
Following the experience, feelings of fear and anxiety led me to question my place on the river. The fear of letting down my family and friends, combined with doubts of not being skilled enough to handle the river’s challenges weighed heavily on my mind. As I was scheduled to safety kayak the next day, I made my manager aware of the situation. Recognizing that if I didn’t get back in my boat right away, I might never have the courage to do so, so I chose to embrace the opportunity to work on the Elaho. The river provided me with a space to feel all of my emotions – a vital step I needed to take. Despite feeling anxious and undeserving, the relief and joy I experienced coming off the river fueled my determination to rebuild my confidence. Choosing familiar runs allowed me to practice basic skills without pressure, paving the way for stress-free progress. I opted for playboating trips to the Thompson, evening Half Cheak laps, and weekly lake sessions where I could focus my attention on teaching others. Taking fear out of the equation reminded me of why I love this sport so much.
Happiness on the Cheakamus, Clearwater and Elaho Rivers (Photos by Olivia Linney (top left/bottom right, Ty Smith (top right) and Dakota Voght (bottom left))
Leaning on my friends for support proved invaluable as they created a nurturing and empathetic environment, allowing me to process the situation and navigate the array of emotions I was feeling. I discovered that post-swim anxiety is a common challenge among kayakers. This reassured me that I wasn’t alone in this struggle, and offered hope for my own healing. The support and encouragement from my friends helped me regain confidence in myself, affirming my place on the river and transforming this experience into a valuable learning opportunity. With renewed resilience, I now embrace future adventures with greater confidence in myself and respect for the river
Friends <3 (Photos by Kate Traczyck (top left), Adrian Clementino (top middle), Ava Simpson (top right), Tara Stevens
On a sunny day in October of 2021, I joyfully returned to Balls to The Wall. My heart brimmed with gratitude for the supportive circle of friends that accompanied me. As I glanced back at Balls Falls, a rainbow stretched overhead, reaffirming my connection with the river. Paddling on familiar runs and confiding in my friends played a huge role in overcoming the challenges following my swim. A special appreciation goes to my amazing friends who supported me through it. If you’re struggling to navigate your emotions after a swim on the river, I hope my story can offer solace and find healing. Thank you for taking the time to read and may your paddling adventures be filled with joy!
Balls to The Wall, Cheakamus River (Photo by Hannah McVean)